Updated: Jul 20, 2021
When you finally break free of the victim mentality and what that does for you in your soul, in your heart, and in your life, really.
The easiest way I can describe the bunker victim mentality is such a negative headspace, it's such me against the world, it's a woe is me, it's, "Oh, well, here we go again, here we go and I'm the person that doesn't deserve anything good."
Do you understand how annoying that personality is to be around? Because I was that guy for a long time. Not all the time, but I was some of the times. We call those people vampires, they suck the energy out of the room and out of you. It's disgusting because we live in a society where all options are available, the only thing holding you back is your mindset and the limitations that you put on yourself.
My specialty is the bunkered in victim mentality people because they refuse to be happy, they refuse to think of a different option, because they're so ingrained in the cycle of negativity, in the cycle of the scarcity mindset, the scarcity thoughts that they refuse to come out of it. What you have to do with that is you have to take ownership. It doesn't mean that you're going to forgive everybody that wronged you or anything that happened to you, but regardless of what happened to you, there's ownership abounds for everybody.
I'm going to paint a picture for you. I grew up in a country club, a five-bedroom house with a pool, a maid, and fast forward a year and a half later, I'm living in 50 square foot closet on a single mattress with a fan in a closet. That's right, I said a closet, it's very dark in there, there are no windows, there is no maid. Sometimes I would get locked in there, I never told anybody that. That'd make for a long night because they'd be asleep and nobody would let you out, and you're left with your thoughts.
One of the thoughts is, okay, how did we get here? Well, how we got here was not taking ownership of the choices that were made to get me there. What you have to realize is until you take full ownership of who you are, and until you take ownership of the choices that you've made to get you to where your life is, you can't change.
"But here's the greatest thing in the world, America loves a comeback story, they love it."
The number one post that I get comments on is the before and after picture. We are a before and after society, we sell the sizzle. We do the same thing when we flip houses, "Look at this, look at what I turned it into." You're going to sell the house, you're going to move on, do another one, you don't care about the family that's going to buy that house.
Because my issue is, is that "Oh, that's Austin, right? That's Austin. He got better, but I can't get better." If you tell yourself that, you already lost, because what I'm about to describe to you is the greatest feeling that exists on the planet. For anybody that's been in recovery or anybody that was a drinker or wasn't, or had a bad relationship and it was toxic, they will understand what I'm talking about.
The moment that I had a man ask me, "Okay, well, hold on, you've created a lot of stories around why you were the reason your parents got divorced and you've combined those stories, can you imagine all the stories you told yourself over 20 years and you stacked stories on stories and Band-Aids on Band-Aids and wounds on wounds, but let's go back to the moment when your parents decided to get divorced. What actually happened? What took place?"
"Well, my parents got divorced." "Okay, and then what story did you tell yourself for 20 years? What reality did you create in your mind, right?" When I found out why they really got divorced and then my entire world was shattered because the existence that I lived on fueled who I was and my identity was destroyed. That's why I talk about identity all the time, because if your identity is wrapped up in a story that you've created when that story comes to fruition and it doesn't exist, then you have no idea who you are. But if you live your life on your core values of who you are, no matter where you live, who you're with, you can be yourself.
When I sat down, I called my dad and I said, "You know what? I want to take ownership of what I did in this fight that we've had for years and all this stuff. I just want to let you know that I'm sorry I acted inappropriately”. I remember where I was, I was at work on a break and it felt like 90 pounds of weight and lies and stress and anxiety, I felt like shackles just bounced off my legs, and I was floating like an eagle because for the first time in my life I was allowed to live for myself instead of my story.
It's a very empowering feeling, but here's what's crazy, I didn't truly forgive myself for another two months, and I've never told anybody this story. I was at an Airbnb in Canyon Lake and it was very foggy in the morning, I was downstairs on a patio that overlooked this valley and there was a lake, I was very stoned, smoking a lot of weed. I had Kings Of Leon in my head and I was listening to The End, I leaned out on the edge of that thing covered in fog and I cried for 20 minutes.
I forgave myself, my 17-year-old self for everything that went on and a feeling of euphoria washed over me, I sat there and I sat back, and you realize all the stories that you've made up and all the lies that your mind created were gone in that moment. I realized that I didn't want 1000 single-family rentals, I didn't need to be the biggest investor in the world to prove to my dad that.
But a lot of us live in a world where we're trying to make our parents happy or our grandparents or our loved ones and we don't take five seconds to realize what we need, what really churns us up. If you spend a little time with yourself and you took ownership of who you are and you asked yourself what you truly need in this world, I guarantee it's not a lot, but we surround ourselves with things and stories. That's our favorite thing is things and stories, which are very expensive for two reasons. One, things cost money and you're going to need therapy.
But we mask those stories, we double combine them with alcohol and drugs, because it's much easier to watch Netflix and drink and go, "It's Sunday, I watch football, I'm not going to deal with what's going on in my life." Then that routine turns again and again, and guess what? Six years pass and then your son or your daughter has to ask what's wrong with mom or dad.
Do you understand as a parent, you have 18 summers? 18, count them, with your kid and he might be gone or might be college or get married. Everybody's walking around like we got all the time in the world. "Oh, well, I'm not going to lean into my relationship with my friends, because they'll always be there." Well, maybe they won't. "I'm not going to text that person that I care about to see how they're doing, because they're always going to be there," until they're not.
Every day that you waste being bunkered in and feeding yourself that load of horseshit that you've been telling yourself for all these years is a day that people miss the true you. I no longer will live in that world, because the true me is badass, he's fun, he's a little sexy, a lot of sexy, actually. He helps, he wants to work hard, he laughs, he has fun and he's going to make a difference in this world because it's what I was born to do.
"I'm begging you, I'm pleading with you to break the chains that bind you, it's a beautiful, beautiful world out there and we have restricted our minds with stories and limiting beliefs, and you deserve to be broken free."